Ranma's Younger Brother?
by Archaia Fengari
Summary: This isn't just another sibling fic. Hisoka seems to be Ranma's completely harmless brother, but is there more to him than just that? Allergy warning: May contain fire-wielding goddesses. Rewrite of Chinese Phoenix
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

A teenage girl with long orange hair. A dark, richly adorned room. An adolescent boy with black hair, fangs, and a headband.

A broken promise, a wrathful goddess, and a cliché but heartbreaking tragedy.

Bitterly shed magical tears, sloppily designated reincarnations, and a whole lot of chaos when the world ended the first time around. That's all it took to change the storyline of our favorite Nerima residents' lives forever.


	2. Chapter 1: Here are the Saotomes

**Author's Notes**

So anyway, as you may have noticed, I decided to rewrite this whole thing after being inactive for years. Not that anyone cared. Anyway, it was old. Plot will be almost completely different, if I even had a plot to begin with (I forgot), but I'll keep some stuff.

Anyway, I haven't written fanfiction in 3 years, and I've hardly touched this series at all in the same amount of time, so if there's any out-of-character-ness or discrepancies with the canon anyone notices, please let me know! Other types of reviews are also very, very welcome.

"Quotes": dialogue  
_Italics_: Thoughts  
(In parenthesis): Panda signs.

**Disclaimer  
**I don't own Ranma ½.

* * *

Chapter 1: Here are the Saotomes

"Old man!" A young man with long, navy blue hair in a ponytail yelled. "You sure this is safe?"

It was their tenth, and last, year in training, and Genma was leading them towards the ocean—seaport—to China, where destiny will take place, in the near future.

Genma looked back impatiently, yelling, "Safe? There's never safety in a martial artist's life! Hisoka, I didn't think you'd be such a coward!"

"Who you calling a coward?" The boy named Hisoka snapped, jamming his elbow into Genma's bald head.

"So are we goin' to China or not?" Ranma asked, staring off into the glittering surface of the ocean. The determined expression on Ranma's face told of his willingness to even swim there if necessary.

* * *

"Dammit!" Ranma complained. "Just because I looked like I was ready to swim across doesn't mean I actually meant it!"

The trio was, at the moment, floating on some logs that magically appeared in the middle of the ocean when they were about to die from exhaustion. (The Takahashi wizards did it!)

"It's part of the training!" said Genma cheerfully. His younger companions glared four daggers at him.

"Would getting chased by over thirty hungry sharks also be part of the training?" Hisoka remarked sarcastically.

"Well, then you can be thankful that it didn't happen."

Ranma pulled himself onto a log. "Oh, it did, but you were sleeping. We _were _gonna feed you to them…"

"Then decided it wasn't a good idea to rouse their appetite, so we made a break for it," Hisoka finished. "You need to lose some weight."

* * *

"This ain't so tough, Pop!"

"Ready, boy?"

"Oh sirs! What you doing?!"

**_Splash! Splash! Splash!_**

* * *

Tendo Dojo

"FIANCÉ?!"

Almost on cue, they heard a polite knock at the door.

"They must be here!" Soun exclaimed. He and Nabiki rushed to welcome whatever was there. Nabiki slid open the door and stared into the face of a handsome young man who, unfortunately, was soaked to the bone.

"Um…this is the Tendo dojo…right?"

"Yeah!" Nabiki grinned widely. "You must be a Saotome?" Soun sprinted to the doorway.

"Are you Ranma or Hisoka?" He asked.

"Hisoka..."

"Where are your father and brother?" Soun questioned. Hisoka smirked at the word "brother."

"Oh, they'll be along in a few days." He replied casually. "I think. May I come in, perchance?"

* * *

"Lemme go, Pop! I said, I don't want to!"

Soun looked around. It had been two weeks since the first Saotome arrived. Annoyed at his old friend's lack of timeliness, he wanted to take a stroll around the neighborhood. Unfortunately, five minutes after he left, it started raining, so he dejectedly went back home and sat at the table.

"Visitors!"

Soun and Nabiki were the first ones at the door, Nabiki with the thought that with a brother like Hisoka, Ranma had to be even cuter.

"Leggo of me, ya ol' fart! You're scarin' 'em spitless!"

Soun and Nabiki ran back to Akane and Kasumi without even slowing down, the latter who had stayed behind because they weren't as looking forward to meeting Genma and Ranma as the others.

"_This_ is your friend, dad?" Nabiki asked incredulously. Soun violently swiveled his head from side to side. "So then who is this, huh? Don't expect us to believe that a random _panda _just showed up at our door, I mean, hey: happens _all_ the time!"

Soun ignored his daughter and looked closely at the redhead the panda set down. "You wouldn't be…"

"Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

"I knew it! He _is_ cute!" Nabiki commented happily.

Soun pulled Ranma into a big bear hug when he noticed something's wrong. "A _g-g…girl_?!"

* * *

Soun finally woke up.

"Um…Mr. Tendo? Are you all right?"

The voice was unfamiliar, but almost unmistakably male. At least, to Soun it appears so.

"Ahh! Ranma! I just had the strangest dream that you were a—" He stopped talking when he sat up and saw an extremely buxom redheaded girl, with his daughters sitting on her left. "It…wasn't a dream?"

"Ranma? What's wrong with Saotome? He specifically stated _two sons_!"

Meanwhile, one very fat, tire-kicking panda was barely resisting the strong urge to whack its—or should we say his—old friend on the head.

"Well… I guess at least we have Hisoka…"

Akane approached Ranma. "Hi! You wanna be friends?" Ranma looked up hopefully. "Do you know kempo?"

"A little," Ranma replied.

"Well why don't we have a little match? I promise I won't hurt you."

"Okay."

After a few quick dodges, Ranma leaped over Akane's head and tapped the back of her head. They suddenly both started laughing. "I'm just glad you're a girl."

"Huh?" Ranma looked up, surprised.

"It's just…I'm glad you're not a guy. I would hate to lose to a guy."

Hisoka sat Indian-style outside the dojo door, admiring the koi pond while grinning to himself, imagining what Ranma's face must look like.

* * *

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

**_Slam._**

"There's a PERVERT in the bathtub! Ugh! As if _one_ boy in the house isn't enough already!"

The young man we all know as Ranma Saotome was found, dressed now and standing in the hall, scratching his head. "Um…'scuse me…"

The whole family was sitting at the table once again, for the second round of awkward introductions, to the same people, in the same day.

"Who are you?" Nabiki demanded.

"Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

"Are you really the same girl we saw before?" Kasumi asked.

"I am." Ranma didn't sound like his usual self.

"So what happened? How?" Nabiki asked. Akane was on the farthest left, still in her kempo uniform. Both her fists were clenched and her expression was a mixture of being betrayed and just plain mad.

Genma spoke up. "I'll explain—"

"You were too busy admiring getting beat up to know what was going on. Let me," said Hisoka mildly.

* * *

/Flashback

Ranma, Hisoka, and Genma finally arrived at the infamous cursed springs of Jusenkyo. "Well here we are, boys. The training grounds of Jusenkyo."

The short guide humbly walked up to them. "Here, sirs, are legendary training grounds of Jusenkyo! Though no one use anymore."

"Eh…" Hisoka's voice faltered. "This place gives me a bad feeling."

"What, son? You will stay here and train along with Ranma and I! No excuses!"

"Yeah, little brother, ya scared you'll fall and get eaten by big bad sharks or somethin'?"

Yashi shot him a dirty look. "You're the one who almost got eaten, not me. I'll show you scared!"

Ranma laughed as he switched his gaze back to the training grounds. "Hey this place ain't so tough, Pop."

"You ready, boy?" Genma jumped onto one of the poles sticking out of the clear water. Ranma followed. "I won't go easy on ya."

"Feh! That's just the way I like it!"

As Hisoka followed suit, the shrill voice of the little Chinese man startled him.

"Oh Mister Customers! What you doing!" The guide yelled. "There very tragic story in over a hundred spring here! Each spring very cursed!"

Ranma and Genma chose to ignore the scrawny guide, and continued sparring. Danger takes a different meaning for martial artists and weaklings. Hisoka, on the other hand, tripped on a small pebble as he tried to jump onto a pole, did a front-flip to regain his balance, and proudly performed a perfect landing in the direct center of a cold pool of water.

"Ah, that _Nanniichuan_, or Spring of Drowned Man! It good luck to you, sir, no affected!" The guide shouted with relief as he held up a wooden sign. "Very tragic story of man who drown in—"

Before he could finish, Ranma knocked Genma into the sign, shattering it into splinters. Carried by the momentum of Ranma's strike, he also fell into a large spring.

"Oh! That _Shonmaoniichauan,_ or Spring of Drowned Panda!" The guide shouted to the martial artist, Holding up another sign that said "熊猫溺泉." "Very tragic story of rather large panda who drown in spring two thousand year ago!" Meanwhile, Ranma was staring intently at the rather large and almost panda-shaped spring.

"Hey Pop! We done already? You drown in there?" Ranma shouted impatiently at the pool. Ranma's eyes bulged at what he saw. A very large panda wearing a form-fitting gi and broken glasses rose from the water. "Wh-what the crap isthat?"

"That curse of spring! Now whoever fall in spring, take body of rather large panda!" The guide yelled to Ranma.

"Hey you never told us about—"

"Growlf!" Ranma flew backwards as the panda sucker-punched him. Ranma landed in a much smaller spring. The Jusenkyo guide rushed over and looked down at the pool.

"Ooh, too bad. You fall in _Nyanniichuan_, or Spring of Drowned Girl!" The guide said, holding up a sign that said "娘溺泉。" "There very tragic story of young girl who fall in spring, one thousand five hundred year ago!"

"Hey! That wasn't fair, I wasn't ready!" A feminine voice protested.

"Now whoever fall in spring, take body of young girl! See what I mean?" Meanwhile, Ranma was feeling rather strange. She looked down and saw bulges that should not exist. She closed her eyes and opened the front of her gi.

"-Insert manly scream in a girl's voice here-"

/End flashback

* * *

Hisoka looked at Ranma nervously. Genma had thrown him into the koi pond earlier for a demonstration and he had just changed back. Everyone's had unreadable, mixed expressions on their faces.

"I… see," Nabiki broke the silence. "So basically, you turn into a girl when splashed with cold water, and back into a guy when splashed with hot water? And Mr. Saotome turns into… a panda?"

"Yup."

Akane saw the glint in Nabiki's eye, and knew at once that this would not end well.

* * *

Author's note: Once again, reviews are appreciated! Even flames! Although flames make me a little sad. But I still appreciate them! It means people are actually reading my stories. Also, it'd be great if you note any grammatical errors, that you let me know!

:)


	3. Chapter 2: Hisoka's Secret

**Author's Notes**

I've decided that since I hardly even remember the series anymore, I'll re-read it as I write this! Also, canon characters will be introduced in a different order. I think it'll be more interesting than following the original plotline so closely… that'd be like re-reading the series, which is obviously much better than my humble little fic!

One more thing: this is the revised version of this chapter! It doesn't really change the plot much, aside from just the events of this chapter. I thought that the old version's characters were not really acting the way they would in canon.

"Quotes": dialogue_  
Italics_: Thoughts  
(In parentheses): Panda signs**_  
Bold italics_****: **Sound effects

**Disclaimer  
**I don't own Ranma ½.

* * *

"Ranma! Stop running!"

"Then quit splashing me already!"'

"But it's so fun!"

Various Tendo residents were chasing Ranma up and down the hall of the dojo, carrying buckets, pails, and kettles of water of varying temperatures, and aiming water at Ranma for the past few hours. It was impossible to tire of the game, but Ranma was seriously getting annoyed. Akane, at least, seemed to be having so much fun that she forgot her humiliation in front of the strange man-woman who would, starting on that day, live under the same roof as her.

Hisoka found this game entertaining as well, first as an observer, then gradually becoming a participant. In fact, as Ranma turned the corner, he was the first to follow behind.

But he did not see Ranma. Where could his brother have gone? As he stood stupidly staring at the empty hall, he suddenly felt the horrible sensation that he was forgetting something. A cackle of laughter descended from above, as a stream of boiling water scalded Hisoka's scalp and shoulders.

"OW, DAMMIT!"

* * *

Hisoka hated her curse. To everyone else, it just looked like her hair turned a darker shade of blue, which was a normal enough result of getting her immense amount of hair soaked in water. However, it was much more complex than that. She had been cross-dressing for her entire life.

Yes, Hisoka is a girl. She has lived as a guy for just about her entire life, and Genma had drilled it deep into both her and Ranma's brains since the training trip began that they would be the manliest of men, or he would disown them. Not that that was much of a threat, but Ranma could not stand having his manhood insulted. It was ironic that he was the one whose curse would turn him into a girl.

What was even more ironic was that Hisoka would get the opposite curse, although it was also somewhat convenient. By that logic, Hisoka had no reason to hate the curse itself, per se, but hated more the fact that her anatomy kept changing. It made "dressing for the occasion" that much more difficult. Her center of balance is lower as a girl, so she also had to get used to the male center of balance. It was uncomfortable, to say the least, and much more uncomfortable than Ranma would ever be because she actually had to hide her gender half the time.

As Hisoka nursed her burning skin and squeezed the remaining water from her long hair, the families were discussing the engagement in the living room. Now that it was confirmed that Genma really did have two sons, life was easier. Soun really only needed one of them married to one of his daughters, but both he and Genma were convinced that two are always better than one, in case anything went wrong.

"Take your pick," Soun was saying to Ranma, "Which one of my daughters suits your fancy?"

Ranma glanced up. "But I don't even know any of them!"

"Oh, you'll get to know them eventually," Soun waved Ranma off dismissively. "But the engagement will go on! Just pick one!"

Nabiki and Kasumi immediately pushed Akane forward. "Well, we recommend Akane," Nabiki grinned, "You've always said that you hated guys, right? Well, this is a perfect chance for you! Where else will you ever find a half-guy that you could marry? Eh?"

Kasumi smiled sweetly and agreed, "I'm sure Ranma wouldn't mind your quirks at all!"

"That's not the problem!" Akane screamed.

"Yeah," Ranma chimed in, "even I have a better figure than she does!"

A red shape flew out of the room and landed head-first in the koi pond.

"Hisoka!" Genma barked.

"Yeah?" Hisoka mumbled as she got to her feet and shuffled toward the dining room. "What is it?"

"Same question as before, you lazy boy!"

"I think it'll be better if—"

"Answer the question!"

Soun watched the exchange between the father and son, and decided that Saotomes can't make up their minds about anything. Ignoring the two, he turned to his daughters. "What do you think of the younger boy?"

Akane frowned again. "I don't know him either! Shouldn't we get to know our future fiancés a little better before actually deciding?"

Her father's face broke into a huge grin. "Ah, Akane! I always knew that you didn't really hate boys! It's decided then! Saotome, we've got ourselves a volunteer!"

Genma and Hisoka stopped arguing and stared.

Akane raged.

A very wet and very female Ranma finally cleaned out the mud from the bottom of the koi pond that had gotten stuck in her hair and crawled in through the door.

"I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!" Her voice could be heard in the entire Nerima district, as a very unfortunate girl wearing Chinese clothes was sent into orbit around the Earth.

* * *

Author's Note: Check it out! My chapter-ly plea for reviews!


	4. Chapter 3: Enter People

**Author's Notes**

For those who didn't get the memo last time, I actually changed chapter 2 after I uploaded the first version, since there were so many inconsistencies with the characters' real personalities that I couldn't just explain away. The process made me want to cry.

Also, if you haven't noticed, I just changed my pen name from Animango to Archaía Fengári! Just watch, one of these days I'll finally memorize my own pen name. WATCH ME!

One last thing, for the sake of moving on the plot, as well as Hisoka's status as resident Mary Sue, although she's about a year younger than Ranma and Akane, she was allowed to go to their school even though she should have been in 9th grade. (In Japan, high school lasts from 10th to 12th) Besides, it's not as if anyone really cares about what grade they're in, or how old they are, aside from someone we'll be seeing pretty soon.

"Quotes": Dialogue  
_Italics_: Thoughts  
(In parenthesis): Panda signs  
_**Bold italics**_: Sound effects

**Disclaimer  
**I don't own Ranma ½.

* * *

Chapter 3: Enter People

The next Monday, Ranma and Hisoka were finally forced to be registered for school, despite their protests, since they would be staying in Nerima for a while. As they set foot in the school for the first time, what greeted them was a huge horde of… Japanese athletes?

"Not again… I'll be right back," Akane said, swinging her long blue-black hair behind her shoulder.

The Saotomes were confused. What's going on?

But their unspoken confusion was answered with a whirlwind, complete with flying men. In ten minutes, the schoolyard was filled with the unconscious bodies of Akane's many suitors. The only ones standing were a heavily breathing Akane, and the shocked Ranma and Hisoka.

"A new record, that was."

The three of them turned toward the source of the words. A tall, obnoxious-looking man wearing a hakama and wielding a bokuto met their gaze.

"Who the hell are you?" Ranma frowned. He disliked the guy already. So snobby.

"Who? Why, it is always custom to giveth one's own name first! Fine, I, Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen, the undefeated rising star, will introduceth myself first! The mere mention of my name strikeths fear in my opponents' hearts! My peers callst me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! But thou, as mere underclassmen, do not haveth the privilege of addressing me as such!" Kuno shouted.

"I think ya missed a spot there, Akane," Ranma observed.

"Hold, cur! How dareth thou still not give thy name when spoken to? And referring to Akane Tendo so familiarly! I smite thee with my bokuto!"

"Interesting!" Ranma grinned. "I'm Ranma Saotome, and I accept your challenge!"

Two minutes later, Ranma had left his footprints all over Kuno's face and upper body. The upperclassman fell, unconscious, to the ground.

Hisoka stared at the battlefield with the feeling that her life would only get stranger from that day on. She underestimated somewhat the truth and irony in her assumption.

* * *

Hinako Ninomiya-sensei was a little girl. That fact disturbed Hisoka, but as far as she could tell, no one else cared.

Although she was not incredibly terrible at teaching, Hisoka found her extremely short attention span annoying. Bored out of her mind, she peered out the window. What met her eyes was something in the shape of a person carrying a large umbrella. Something about it felt familiar, but Hisoka could not quite place the feeling of recognition. She slumped in her desk, burying her head in her arms.

"Pay attention, you delinquent!" Hinako yelled. A piece of chalk bounced harmlessly off Hisoka's head. "Out in the hall, now!"

"But everyone else's sleeping!" she protested.

"How dare you talk back! Four buckets of water, or you'll be punished!" Hinako threatened. Hisoka did not take her seriously, however, since she looked so young.

"How can you keep order if you have to resort to stupid threats?"

"I'm hurt! Good girl exercise number one: Ja! Aku! Byo! Tsu! Ma!"

The annoyance was taken care of. Hisoka lay lifelessly on the ground next to her desk, barely acknowledging that somehow, the teacher had just morphed from a child to a woman with almost no modesty. What a strange school…

Hinako continued teaching, but as she finally looked around, she realized that the delinquent was actually right. Everyone in the classroom was asleep. Her eye twitched.

"HAPPO NO-YEN COIN RETURN!"

A chorus of weak groans followed. Hinako continued to teach, without regard of the current condition of the class. Hisoka woke up and tried to crawl back to her desk, but she noticed that her desk didn't exist anymore. She tried to separate two lumps of wood and metal, grunting.

Hitting Hisoka repeatedly on the head with her fists, Hinako whined with a pout, "Pay attention pay attention pay attention! Why is everyone still sleeping? It's all you're fault, Mr. Saotome!"

"How the hell is that MY fault?"

"Out in the hall for language!"

This time, Hisoka complied without visible complaint.

* * *

Meanwhile, in an eleventh grade classroom, Nabiki was informing Kuno that Ranma and Hisoka were currently residing in the Tendo dojo.

"Living under the same roof?" Kuno screeched. "RANMA SAOTOME—"

"Go stand in the hall, Kuno."

* * *

Hisoka was bored. The hallway was incredibly empty, and the walls seemed like they were soundproof.

"SAOTOME!" A loud voice broke the silence.

"Huh?" Hisoka was bewildered. "Who are you talking to?"

"And who might thou be?" Kuno paused in his charging, sizing Hisoka up with his eyes.

"Hisoka," he replied suspiciously, "Saotome."

"Another Saotome!" Kuno threw his water pails at Hisoka's face, tore off his school uniform to reveal his signature hakama underneath, then whipped out his bokuto. "The world is fraught with evils, and it is up to I, Tatewaki Kuno, age sev—"

"I heard that the first time!"

"Heard what?" Kuno asked, confused. "I was going to say, 'Kuno, age seventeen, champion of kendo and undefeated in fencing, and the king of Furinkan High! Lovely, shy maidens faint with bliss at the mere mention of my name! I am the master of love!'"

Hisoka stared at him, and could not see the charm Kuno boasted of. "I don't see what you're talking about."

Kuno's anger flared up again, as his ki enveloped his bokuto. "In that case, I challengeth thee to a duel!"

"Bring it on!" Hisoka threw his four buckets of water to the side, and they flew toward the window.

The glass shattered as the heavy buckets crashed through. A physical education teacher walked by, yelling, "No destroying school property allowed!"

"Yes sir!" Hisoka shouted to the teacher with a salute as he jumped. Kuno's wooden sword created a huge fissure in the ground below him. "Kuno, is it? Who were you looking for?"

Kuno jabbed at Hisoka's head. "Ranma Saotome! For he liveth under the same roof as my dearest Akane Tendo! But thou livest there too, I presume?" By this time, most of the school was peering out at the commotion in the hallway, with the child-form Hinako Ninomiya vainly trying to recapture her class's attention, while occasionally napping herself.

"Oh, the Tendo dojo? Yeah, the place is great!" Hisoka chirped, hanging upside down from the ceiling. "And I won't be surprised if Ranma's gonna get engaged to Akane soon!"

"What?!" Kuno's face darkened. "Akane Tendo, engaged?! I will NEVER standeth for that!" Furiously swishing his wooden sword at Hisoka's fluttering afterimages, Kuno felt frustrated that he could not even land a decent hit on the imbecile. With the rest of the school watching, too!

* * *

Three stories below, a small black shadow darted in through the space between two heavy doors that were swinging shut. Ryoga Hibiki was pissed. He had finally found his way to the Saotomes' city. They would pay for the hell they made him go through!

As he was walking next to the large swimming pool, a pail full of cold water came out of nowhere and upended on his head, and five more pails clanked against it, giving him a horrible headache, which was made no better by the fact that he was now a black piglet with little chance of coming in contact with hot water.

Once having made it into the building, Ryoga faced hundreds of human feet trampling on the ground. Scurrying between them, he somehow found his way to Ranma's classroom, without even climbing any stairs. He would somehow transform back before encountering Saotome, he knew it. It was not a fact, just a law, that anyone with a Jusenkyo curse will automatically be a magnet for water. Surely enough, as soon as he reached the third floor, a small girl tripped over his small body and dumped her coffee all over him. Ryoga forgot to take one thing into account. He had forgotten to keep his clothes with him.

However, since he was already on the correct floor, although he didn't know it, there was not much that he could do except hide from the shocked girls who saw much more than they needed to. Before he knew it, unfortunately, the Lost Boy was officially lost once again.

* * *

Akane crept out cautiously from behind her ruin of a desk. Ninomiya-sensei was always prone to these violent mood swings that far surpassed her own in intensity. Honestly, no one would ever call Akane violent if only they could see past the alternating monstrous breasts and childlike innocence of their teacher.

When Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo sealed the epitome of evil away in a cave ten years ago, they forgot that Happosai was not known as the "epitome of evil" for no reason, despite being drunk and attached to dozens of dynamite sticks. In fact, when the dynamite blew up, the only thing that was harmed was the boulder they rolled in front of the cave's opening. The blast sobered the dirty old man, and the boulder was easy to destroy afterward. He spent the next seven years hunting for women's underwear, then decided it was a good time to check up on his disobedient disciples and the infamously beautiful Tendo daughters.

To his disappointment, Genma had fled from him with the excuse of "training his sons to become men among men." Happosai doubted the truth of his alibi, but could only wait, for he had no idea where in Japan his more gluttonous disciple could be. Happosai doubted even the thought that Genma could possibly have had two sons, because that would have been very cruel indeed. Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi all had such one-dimensional personalities, and it was nearly impossible to satisfy his desire for underwear and boobage with any of them. There was no way Genma could possibly disappoint him like that. Then again, when has he ever not disappointed Happosai?

Thwarted daily by young women is not as bad as it could have been, for the little old man still had his collection of beauties. He just wanted something more.

As he hopped onto the window of the classroom where little Hinako taught, he was met with a terrifying sight. The tenth grade classroom appeared as if taken by a tornado, and broken desks were strewn across the floor, walls, and ceiling. Hinako was unconscious from being hit by a flying chair in the back of the head, and all Happosai could see was Akane dusting off her uniform.

"Akane!" He chortled, throwing himself at the lovely, welcoming bosom of the sixteen-year-old girl.

Akane smashed the offending pervert's head into the ground as she heard Hisoka say something he really should not have said.

"Oh, the Tendo dojo? Yeah, the place is great! And I won't be surprised if Ranma's gonna get engaged to Akane soon!"

Veins of anger popped on her forehead, and she grabbed a ruined desk in each hand and marched out of the classroom. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

* * *

The blast carried Ranma out of the window, along with a few other guys from his class. They screamed in terror until they realized that what awaited them at the bottom was a giant swimming pool. "We are so lucky," Hiroshi said as grateful tears streamed from his eyes.

"LUCKY, HE SAYS!" As the others quieted, Ranma's screech carried out all through the school. A splash was heard, and Ranma was nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd Ranma go?"

* * *

Author's Note: That was a long chapter, by my standards. It was supposed to be even longer, but I got sick of the changing perspectives. R&R please!


	5. Chapter 4: My One True Love Part I

**Author's Notes**  
Hi there, everyone! *waves* This chapter kinda just came out of nowhere…I doubt my brain was working as I wrote it, but it flowed much better than I thought my brainless mind could come up with! Good job, zombie me! Anyway, I originally had other things planned for this chapter, but they never managed to make it in, so I'm splitting it up into two chapters, hence the title. Please enjoy the chapter!

"Quotes": dialogue_  
Italics_: Thoughts  
(In parenthesis): Panda signs  
**_Bold italics_**: Sound effects

**Disclaimer  
**I don't own Ranma ½.

* * *

Chapter 4: My One True Love – Part I

Ranma was sitting in a tree, wringing out her pants while muttering to herself. "Water, why does it always have to be water?" It just wasn't fair. Most people don't spend half their lives covered in cold or hot water, but it doesn't even bother them. But Ranma has a curse! Water complicates everything. Then again, most people don't spend half their lives as girls either. Ranma slapped her palm over her forehead. Damn Hisoka, why was he always so lucky? Spring of Drowned Man! Even though he has a curse, it just makes him change into himself, doesn't it?

As she twisted the fabric of her pants until they were nearly torn to shreds, a mysterious flying object whistled as it tore through the air, aimed directly at Ranma's head. Ranma jumped off the branch she was sitting on, dodging the offending projectile.

Kuno smashed head-first into the tree, creating a giant crater right beneath the sign that announced in large, bold letters, "TREES HAVE FEELINGS TOO".

Ranma recognized the samurai-wannabe as she landed in a crouch on the ground. Although she did not know him well, he annoyed her with his Shakespearean speech pattern. She couldn't even understand him half the time!

"A pigtail!" Kuno said, balancing on his head on the giant teetering tree. "Couldst it be Saotome? And just after I crushed the younger, too! What luck!"

"Crushed?" Ranma couldn't help but say out loud. No way, he could never have fought Hisoka! The multiple bumps and bruises on his head were totally not the younger Saotome's style. Besides, a real Saotome would never be defeated by someone as pathetically weak as Kuno!

"A girl?" The short-haired upperclassman fell to the ground as the tree finally toppled over. "My bad." Standing far too close for comfort, Kuno examined every detail of the red-haired girl with huge blue eyes, Chinese shirt, and no pants. "How daring of her, to not wear pants! Oh, what beautiful eyes! How exquisitely her exotically colored, moist hair framest her delicate face! I, Tatewaki Kuno, hereby declareth that I am in love!"

Freaked out could not begin to describe Ranma's feelings at this point. Delivering a swift kick to Kuno's face, she took off in search of hot water as she pulled her pants back on.

* * *

"Oh, hi there, Akane!" Hisoka piped up. "What are you doing with two crushed desks in your hands?"

"What did you say that for?" Akane roared. "What makes you think that I'll be ENGAGED to... that… that…CROSSDRESSER!"

Hisoka's grin froze for an instant. "You really don't have to be so harsh."

"FACE FORWARD!" Kuno charged at the opening in Hisoka's defense as he was distracted by Akane.

Hisoka expertly dodged the blade, but Akane, who was behind him, did not expect the attack to extend farther than the blade. Her hair was caught in the ki generated by Kuno's strike, and the blue-black locks fell to the ground. The desks dropped from her hands.

The noisy halls were suddenly dead silent. Hisoka's face rather resembled that of the Skrik, for he understood perfectly the horror of accidentally getting all of one's hair chopped off. After all, he had been subject to it many times in the past, what with having Ranma and Genma as his only consistent companions for ten straight years. They were idiots with no sense of style. Then again, long hair really did not suit Akane well. If anything, it would only get in her way, and this was absolute proof of it. No matter, Hisoka would take the matter into his own hands, for it was partly his fault anyway.

Akane was in shock. All those years, all those years she spent growing her hair for Dr. Tofu! They have all gone to waste, and now she's caught in public with the most humiliating haircut in the world. At least, that's what all the other girls were thinking. Akane was really only thinking about Dr. Tofu and his eventual reaction. Would he call her a tomboy again? He had always thought of her as just a child, and now she would look even more like one because of her hair. Akane needed to get home so Kasumi could fix it for her…but she didn't want to think of Kasumi. Seeing Dr. Tofu freak out every time he saw Kasumi was the most painful thing she could witness. Not that she wanted him to act stupid around her, but Akane wished she at least had a chance.

Kuno's face was frozen in surprise. He had not expected his attack to affect the beauteous Akane Tendo! Especially not her beautiful, long hair! Now he must compensate, but how? "That was a most unfortunate accident! As a result, I shall payeth thee back by allowing thee to date me!"

This was no time for badly composed running gags. Akane's anger suddenly flared up, and every spectator in the entire school building felt a shiver run down their spines. "SCREW YOU!" Apparently, Akane's shock was not complete enough to prevent her from ripping a giant piece of wood from the wall and bashing Kuno with it repeatedly on the head until he was unconscious. Feeling that that was not enough, she batted him out of a window using the pole. However, something was still missing.

If anything, the silence was even more complete. No one dared speak in the face of Akane's terrible wrath. No one, except Hisoka. "If you want, I can—"

Before he could finish, however, Akane had sent him flying through a different window. She sniffed a few times, and ran out of the school before anyone could see the tears come forth. The horror over, the rest of the school relaxed and felt it was time to go home.

"But school's not over yet," Hinako called desperately after her dispersing students. Unfortunately, Akane had destroyed one of the main support beams of the school, and as the entire school's population walked past the location of the Furinkan's biggest tragedy of the school year, the six-story building collapsed. School would probably not recommence until the building was reconstructed and students' and staff's injuries mostly healed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ryoga was still lost inside a broom closet, which was now a pile of wood trapped beneath a bigger pile of wood. The worst part of it was, he was stuck under piles and piles of wood as a very small pig. It would take him days to get out.

Just then, a huge blast shook the ground, and a ball of chi blasted the wood away. Ryoga looked up to see a short construction worker, holding his hands out in front of him as heroically as he could manage, with tears running down his stubble-covered face.

"Bwee!" Ryoga squealed happily. My savior! But before he could say anything else, the short man disappeared and a huge geyser appeared out of the ground where the school used to be. "Eep!" Ryoga squeaked, naked and human again. Well, at least he was no longer stuck under piles of wood. His revenge on Ranma was long overdue.

* * *

Ranma finally found a kettle of hot water in the tool shed behind the track, but just as he walked back out, he witnessed the collapse of Furinkan High. He blinked, then rubbed his eyes, but the school was still caving in. What just happened? But that wasn't important, because the fact that Furinkan didn't exist anymore meant that there wouldn't be school for a while. And just after the first day, too! He set out on a light jog toward the Tendo dojo.

* * *

Hisoka pulled herself out of the Tendo furo. She couldn't believe Akane had just punched her all the way home, and after she offered to help her with her hair, too! Doesn't she realize that that was probably the best thing that will ever happen to her? Some people just don't understand the meaning of gratitude. But since she was in the bathtub already, Hisoka thought it wasn't a bad idea to just take a bath then, since her hair was already wet and most likely dirty.

As she dumped the cold water over her head and reached for the shampoo, Hisoka couldn't help but think of the time they met a girl named Shampoo.

* * *

/Flashback

It was Ranma's turn to forage for food that day. Once upon a time, all three of them used to get their own food everyday, but it usually ended in tragedy as father and children fought over a single chicken or sometimes even a single mushroom, depending on their luck, and Hisoka usually ended up being the one going hungry. These days, The three of them take turns hunting.

Ranma never brought as little as Genma did, and Hisoka had the sneaking suspicion that their father would eat all the good stuff before bringing the "leftovers" back for his "sons." Big people need more food, but Genma was really only big because he ate more than he could use up in a day. Ranma brought an adequate amount, and no one complained.

Unfortunately, Ranma also had a strange tendency to also bring back hordes of angry villagers about half the time. This was one of those times. With a plate of pork buns balanced on her head, Ranma was fleeing from an angry purple-haired girl wielding dangerous-looking mallet things, screaming at her in Chinese. It probably roughly translated to "I KILL YOU I KILL YOU."

"Quick," she yelled, "run!"

Genma and Hisoka took off at a sprint in the direction from which they came.

The next day, it was Hisoka's turn. "Where the crap am I supposed to get enough food to feed those two? I swear, they have black holes for stomachs or something." As he mumbled to himself, he came across the cursed springs again. "How did I get here?"

Just then, two shapes flashed by, and Hisoka ducked behind a nearby tree. The shapes were that of a man with long, shiny hair, wearing a white Chinese robe, and the girl with purple hair he saw the day before. _What're they doing?_ He wondered to himself as the girl hopped onto a pole sticking out of a pool.

"No!" The guide shouted, popping out from nowhere. "Most honored customers, this no place for play!"

"Shampoo!" The man cried, stepping on the guide's head as he leaped onto another pole. "Why won't you accept me?"

The girl known as Shampoo scoffed, throwing one of her chui at his face. "Shampoo no marry Mousse until Mousse beat Shampoo!"

Hisoka almost fell on his face. Who was she, to be so strong, agile, and even somewhat cute, but to refer to herself in such horrible syntax? Wait, why were they even speaking in Japanese?

"Why are we speaking in Japanese?" Mousse asked in a pleading voice as he blocked the chui with various weapons that appeared from his sleeves. Shampoo took the opportunity to leap from the pole, kicking Mousse in the face, breaking his glasses and knocking him into a spring.

"That teach him to shut up!" Shampoo turned around, not realizing she was still on a pole, and walked through the air for about two steps before falling into another pool.

Even though Hisoka was technically a girl, he was so brainwashed by his father over the years that he felt it should be his duty to save a damsel in distress—although the distress was past and the curse was probably irreversible. With a grunt, Hisoka got to his feet and—

/End flashback

* * *

"Hey!" Hisoka complained as the door to the bath slid open, "Don't you know it's rude to interrupt other people's flashbacks? I was getting to the good part too."

But as he looked up at the offender, he froze in fear. Akane? What was she doing home already? But as he looked more closely, he saw that Akane's ruined hair had already been fixed, most likely by Kasumi. A shame, really, because her hair was quite plain. Hisoka was right, though, since the shorter hair did suit the girl better.

Akane just stared. This was far too much shock to take in just one day. "AHHHHHH!"

A few minutes later, both of them had gotten dressed and were sitting next to the pond. Hisoka was pissed, mostly because he technically WAS a girl, although not at the moment. He wished life would be easier on him sometimes. Soun, surprisingly, laughed it off.

"Why aren't you screaming at me? You should be screaming at me. Why aren't you screaming at me?" Hisoka prodded, as he combed through his hair with his fingers in order to fix it back into a perfect ponytail.

"What's the point?" Soun continued laughing. "I guess the engagement problem is finally settled! You'll marry Akane, won't you?"

Hisoka and Akane stared at him in horror. "You can't be serious!" Hisoka complained. "She just threw me halfway across a city, then bashed a giant stone statue over my head!"

"He just saw my BODY," Akane added.

"My point exactly!" Soun grinned, before his giant demon head filled up the living room. "Unless you plan on taking a good look at my daughter in the clothes she was born in, then moving on to someone else? I take it that you wouldn't be a disgusting PIG like that?"

"But Ranma did too!" Hisoka dared to protest.

"Ranma is half girl! You, on the other hand, are all male! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!" The demon head roared as the ceiling disappeared into the gloom.

"Eep!" Hisoka squeaked, and that was the end of the discussion. He wanted very badly to hit his head against something as hard as he could. This could not be happening. While everyone watched, Hisoka slowly began to turn pale, until he was but a piece of white paper.

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks for reading, everyone! Remember, it's never a bad thing to review!


	6. Chapter 5: My One True Love Part II

**Author's Notes  
**Remember when I said that Hisoka was originally supposed to be a Mary Sue? Well, I liked her character too much to destroy it like that, so... here you go. I had a bit of trouble with this chapter, while trying to decide who exactly to introduce. Sorry, people...

"Quotes": Dialogue  
_Italics_: Thoughts  
(In parenthesis): Panda signs  
**_Bold italics_**: Sound effects

**Disclaimer  
**I don't own Ranma ½.

* * *

Chapter 5: My One True Love – Part II

Sliding open the front door to the Tendo residence, Ranma called out, "I'm back!"

However, a strange sight met his eyes as he stepped into the living room. The draft from his dramatic entrance blew a thin sheet of paper the size of a person into the backyard. A light wind picked up, carrying it over the wall where it slipped out of sight.

"Oh my," Kasumi commented mildly. "Hisoka just flew away!"

"What the…" Ranma stared. "That was Hisoka?"

"Your brother just got engaged to Akane. I think he's too excited. Pity you weren't here or we would have asked for your opinion," Genma stated, as if Ranma had just lost a trivial bet.

"I'M NOT A PRIZE!" Akane protested angrily.

"Well I wouldn't have wanted you anyway!" Ranma countered. Akane reflexively flipped the table and slammed it onto the back of Ranma's head.

"It might be a good idea," said a concerned Nabiki as if a Ranma-shaped hole had not just appeared in the floor of her living room, "to make sure Akane's new fiancé doesn't get torn up by passing traffic, unless you just lied and want to be her fiancé." She paused. "Although there's a chance she might prefer a tranny over a full man…"

"NABIKI YOU LIAR!" Akane screamed.

"WHO DID YOU JUST CALL A TRANNY?!" Ranma charged toward Nabiki, who promptly stepped out of the way and dropped a small glass vase on Ranma's head.

"Oops, I was talking about you." The brunette poked Ranma on her chest.

"Gah!" Ranma protested eloquently.

* * *

Hisoka floated over the streets of Nerima, forgotten by everyone except Nabiki. He eventually slipped through the window on the male side of a public bath. He rehydrated in the hot water, popping back into the realm of three dimensions, ignoring everyone's shocked stares at the piece of paper that had just turned into a clothed human. As she stepped out, she accidentally stepped on something black and squishy, and slipped.

"Dammit, what was that?" Hisoka cursed, as the small black shape jumped onto her hand and bit her hard enough to draw blood. "Gah! I didn't mean to step on you! Sorry!" The small pig wearing a yellow and black bandanna glared at her, then jumped into the bath, where it became much bigger than the black pig it had been before. At this point, everyone using the bath had convinced themselves that the heat was making them all light-headed. "R-Ryoga?"

"Who are you?" the bandanna'd young man stared right through her as he stepped out of the bath, drawing to his full height. Hisoka instinctively looked away.

"You don't remember me? I'm Hisoka!"

"Hisoka? What kind of a name is that?"

"You don't remember me? I kept you from getting lost for a whole school year and you repay me by making fun of my name?"

"Thanks, I guess, but seriously, who are you?"

"Saotome!"

"Oh!" Ryoga's eyes lit up with recognition as he pointed dramatically. "Ranma's little brother! Speaking of whom, I'm kinda busy right now. I'll talk to you later." _I don't have time for little brothers when I have something much more important to do_, Ryoga thought._ However, it may have been a good idea to ask what school Ranma goes to…_

Turning around, he began, "Hey, kid—"

"Hisoka!" She scowled, grabbing Ryoga by the wrist. "I'll take you there."

He felt a vague wave of nostalgia wash over him, but could not discern its cause. All he could remember was a pretty girl with blue hair taking him by the hand, guiding him when he was lost… but this was no girl. Ryoga felt somewhat confused. He was jolted from his thoughts by a shrill shriek.

"Oh yeah, you might want to put some clothes on first."

* * *

Kodachi the Black Rose has a gymnastics match coming up in a few hours, and she was not happy. Her school would be going up against her brother's, Furinkan, in the match, but for some reason, although she had taken out at least twenty people before it, she was still disconcerted and maybe even nervous, if she was capable of it. She felt a strange sense of foreboding, and the sensation was utterly foreign to her. Never had she felt so threatened before, but it may have just the fact that she accidentally mixed up her older brother's and her lunches that day, and did not notice until she collapsed from the experimental poison in the food she had never used before.

No matter, Kodachi would destroy the team no matter what, and the slightly unpleasant feeling in her abdomen served as proof that the substance she gave her opponents was extremely potent. Having built up a resistance to such things, more likely than not, a lesser being would be teetering on the edge between life and death after consuming the toxic matter.

Overcome with glee, Kodachi burst into her signature Noblewomanly Laughter™, which, unfortunately, upset her internal organs even more. Only a gymnast could possibly pull off losing her balance and falling backward so gracefully. She never hit the ground.

"Agh, you idiot!" A skinny blue-haired boy was yelling while a much more built man with short hair and a bandanna pulled him through a wall. "I told you, it's this way!"

"You mean this way?" Ryoga asked in all seriousness, punching a crater in the ground. "You know what my motto is? When you can't find your way, go down!"

"NOOO—Hey look," Hisoka interrupted herself mid-scream. "Poor girl! She's falling so dramatically and no one's there to rescue her! …Dang, she's pretty good at falling dramatically too. See how she's making a 45-degree angle with the ground? And now it's about 40. I couldn't fall that slowly if I tried!"

"Gasp!" Ryoga gasped. "You're right! I need to help her!" Throwing his backpack and umbrella in Hisoka's face, he dashed to the gymnast's rescue.

Kodachi opened her eyes, and a blush approximately the shade of a fire truck crept onto her face. To think, such a man would run to her rescue! And without her even asking to be saved! "You're mine!" She purred, snaking her arms around Ryoga's neck. "What could your name be? But no, don't tell me! I must figure it out for myself!"

"Oh—what—you're fine—um, I should… ah…" Stammering incoherently, he tried to remove the girl's arms, only to find that she had somehow wrapped a gymnastics ribbon around them, tying them together. Never had he been in such close proximity to a girl! And never had he imagined it would be so uncomfortable!

Hisoka's shaking legs finally gave out under the immense weight of Ryoga's pack as she fell and got crushed beneath the monster. "What do you keep in here…?" She turned her head to see Ryoga in a passionate embrace with some woman whose face looked like a giant beet wearing nothing but a leotard. "Having fun, pig boy?"

Suddenly, a red shape appeared in the sky. The whistle of wind accompanied its fall from the heavens, as normal civilians scattered to avoid getting hit. It looked almost human.

"Ranma?" Hisoka wondered as her older brother (in female form) crashed into the cuddling couple. Kodachi retracted her ribbon, and Ryoga looked like he was burning up with a fever.

"How dare you, redhead, to intrude on such an intimate moment between me and my beloved?" Kodachi demanded, batons and hoops appearing in her hands as if by magic.

"What?" Ranma stood up, confused. "Who are you? And what's Hisoka doing under a backpack?" Everyone turned to look at Hisoka as if seeing her for the first time. She was risking all that was left of her dignity to wriggle out from under the monstrous thing, but the attention was not wasted on her for long.

Remembering her gymnastics match that would take place that afternoon, Kodachi suddenly jumped into the air, unleashing loads of black rose petals on the Nerima street. "I am Kodachi, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke's School for girls! I'll meet you again, my sweet!" She sounded much like a deranged banshee as she yelled an introduction while winking as hard as she could at Ryoga. Then, the flurry of spiraling petals ceased, and Kodachi disappeared.

"Ko…da…chi, eh?" Ryoga said slowly. A shiver ran through his body. Although he gets easily attached to girls who are nice to him, that creepy leotard chick made him want to scrub himself down in a shower. There were more important things to attend to at the moment. Picking up his umbrella, he turned to the girl with the red pigtail. "Do you know where the Tendo dojo is? I'm looking for someone, and there's no one to take me there."

"Sure! By the way, who are you?" Ranma asked as they walked off into the sunset.

Staring after them in silence, Hisoka was still stuck under Ryoga's pack. "What am I, chopped liver?" She screamed at their disappearing silhouettes. She waited. "…Can someone help me?"

* * *

Author's Note: Happy holidays! Have a nice Christmas Eve, everyone!


End file.
